Animus Quaero
by Roslyn White
Summary: Clary Fray is lost, waking up with no memories and only vivid nightmares is all she has to go by to recover a dangerous past. But when three strangers walk into her life claiming to know the answers secrets will be revealed that will put not only her life but her soul in danger.
1. Chapter 1

**This is my first fanfic for the mortal instruments, I think this may be a darker story than most but I promise you what I've got lined up will be good so please read review and favourite. In this version the main characters are going to be about eighteen/ nineteen and will make an appearance soon so here we go!**

**Disclaimer- I don't own any of the Mortal Instruments I only wish I did**

_**Prologue:**_

_Life is tough. Most people at one time in their life will encounter something that makes them stumble, trip up. And for a few minutes the fragile balances that we live on are shattered and broken and we free fall. But there is always someone there to catch us and break that fall. Someone to utter the words 'It will be ok' even if they know for a fact it will not be. It's human nature to comfort, human instinct. It's a mundane thing. The kind they are don't comfort because they know not to give someone a glass truth that could so easily be broken, and broken it will be. But they run until they are lost with nowhere to go, and how do find their way back then?_

Let me tell you something about myself. My name is Clary Fray, I'm what one would call 'vertically challenged'. I have dark forest green eyes and scarlet hair that falls in waves to my waist. I'm petite but athletic like once in my life I had to fight. I have no parents, no friends and no past. The only past I am aware of is from a year ago. Anything previous to that is black abyss. Every now and again I get snippets, horrible nightmares where I'm running, fighting…dying. But that's it, the images are confused nothing is shown in sequence making it impossible to figure anything out. My first memory was waking up on the cold concrete of a country road in the middle of nowhere. I was covered in blood and felt like I could hardly breathe each one sending white hot pain through my chest. But the more I did the more natural the action became until I felt no pain at all. I had no idea who I was or what I was here for, I just knew I had to live and stay here. I had that instinct in my gut that said this was right I was here for some purpose.

So with that information I started my journey, lost and alone…but alive, and something told me that was a luxury I hadn't always had. So a year on here I am living my life in New York trying to find my way. Making a living was easy enough I was an artist. I could capture moments and small snippets of life perfectly on canvas. My pictures had a life to them; they weren't just flat false copies of it with no really purpose. I captured the thing society didn't want to see. The homeless man on the corner with nothing but a backpack of his life, drowning his sorrows with precious gold spirit that would for a short time make him feel warm and oblivious. The little girl too poor to give herself the nourishment she needed to live, her grey broken eyes staring at you with helplessness. Many people said my pictures were shocking but I didn't think they were they just showed the part of life we ignored. I retaught myself to fight because never once since opening my eyes had I felt safe.

I now lived in an apartment above the shop space I had rented to make a gallery. I didn't make much but it was enough to get me by without too much trouble. My name was Clary I knew that much, a shocking nightmare had told me that. As I woke up sweating and breathing heavily I heard a man shout it, I knew it was mine the name belonged to me. So now I was Clary Fray and I think you should start to listen properly because my story is just about to get a hell of a lot more interesting.

**You know what to do ;) the first chapter will be up soon**


	2. Chapter 2

**Right here is chapter one following on from my prologue. I'm happy with the people that added me to their alerts it's nice to know people are interested. Please some reviews would be nice this time as well though! They let me know whether what I'm writing is any good and how people feel about the story. So without further ado here we go!**

**Chapter 1: Sealing fate**

_**Rhiannon rings like a bell through the night**_

_**and wouldn't you love to love her?**_

_**Takes to the sky like a bird in flight**_

_**and who will be her lover?**_

_**All your life you've never seen**_

_**woman, taken by the wind**_

_**Would you stay if she promised you heaven?**_

_**Will you ever win?**_

_The forest was a blur as I ran along the trail through them, the occasional one scratching me and leaving their mark. The night was silent and the moon was full, but I knew the silence was a trap, they were coming for me I could feel it in my bones. The night was clear and that made it worse they could see me there was no where I could hide or run too. Then I heard it… the unmistakable howl of death coming towards you. They were closing in around me, toying with their prey before they killed it. But I kept running because what else could I do. Even if I was running into a trap I couldn't stop, if I did I was dead. Suddenly from the darkness a beast launched itself at me. Its grotesque long fangs snapping near my face as I wrestled with it on the ground. Eventually managing to kick it away I flung my blade into its shoulder watching as the beast writhed and screeched before eventually folding in on itself. I didn't even try to catch my breath as I knew there would be more there was never just one years of fighting them had told me that much. The trees became a blur as exhaustion crept in and my movements became lethargic and slow. I couldn't keep this up I'd already been running too long. As if on cue I was knocked to the ground and something bit into my shoulder making me cry out and scream. The pain was unbearable as I thrashed and kicked trying to get it off of me, but I couldn't. I was weak and the poison was already spreading its way through my body. This was the end. Suddenly the weight left me and the beast was thrown off of me, I couldn't make sense of what was happening all I was aware of was a man shouting at me frantically. _

"_Clary run! Clary you need to go! RUN"_

"Clary?"

"Clary are you even listening to me?"

I looked up at my best and only friend Simon sat on the couch next to me.

"Of course why wouldn't I be?" I asked generally surprised he was asking me this.

"Well you have just zoned out for the last five minutes of me talking to you."

I looked down and blushed, I couldn't lie to Simon he always caught me out with those intelligent brown eyes of his. He was the reason I managed to get by in New York. He showed me kindness when I was alone gave me a place to stay and forged my papers so I could stay. Not all of his activities were legal shall we say but who cared? He had the skill to forge and it helped me get out of a pretty sticky situation. For some reason I didn't think the authorities would believe an eighteen year old girl with no recollection of her past whatsoever.

"Is it the nightmares again?" His voice was gentler now.

I nodded, since coming too that year ago I had been plagued by horrid nightmares where I was being chased and hurt by these things that wanted me dead. I didn't like speaking about them; my motto was to not acknowledge them.

"Let's not talk about them now how's that girl of yours?" I asked raising my eyebrow at him, a skill I was pretty proud of.

On cue he turned beetroot and looked away. "She isn't my girl, we just went out a few times there was nothing in it."

"Why I thought you really liked her?"

"Nah." He shook his head. "Anyway it wouldn't be fair, I like someone else."

I feigned shock horror. "Who!"

"That's none of your business." He replied in the voice that told me the conversation was over. Simon always got defensive when we discussed his love life. For a reason I never understood it was like he just shut down but I never pressed him on the matter. He never pressed me about my past.

"Clary, do you ever wonder if your nightmares are memories?" he asked in a small voice.

"How could they be? The things that attack me in my dreams couldn't exist. They're grotesque creatures how could something like that exist." I mentally shuddered at the thought of it.

"What if they are though? Or maybe you're like that guy from Bourne Identity and you have a secret organisation trying to kill you?"

I laughed and through a cushion at him. "You really watch too much T.V. you know that right?"

"Of course I do." He quipped. "I've accepted it but you have to admit your stories are pretty similar, both wake up covered in blood with no memory of your past and have vivid flashbacks. It all fits."

"Well…" I said while getting up and searching through my kitchen for breakfast, "I'm sorry to disappoint but I don't think mine will be as interesting as that. I am going to lead a normal life and paint until I'm old and move to the country."

"Ok I can see that." Simon replied whilst laughing. "Anyway come out tonight, you need one you've been locked away in that studio for ages!"

"Nooooo" I whined whilst digging in a frosted flakes box and eating a handful. "I have a piece I need to finish and I want to go for a run."

"That's your excuse seriously? Clary Fray you are going out tonight to have a good time and I am not taking no for answer." He shouted whilst grabbing the cereal box off of me.

"Fine, ok what time are we going then?"

"Here." He said whilst scribbling an address on a slip of paper. "Meet me at ten at Pandemonium. You know where that is right?"

"Of course I do!" Everyone knew where that club was it was the liveliest place in town.

Simon jumped up giving me a hug. "Ok well I'm off, be there at ten and don't be late." He paused for a minute. "Honestly Clary you need to live a little and stop worrying."

I smiled sadly and gave a small nod knowing what he meant. I did try but it wasn't always easy to forget and be normal no matter how much I pretended too. Knowing I wasn't getting out of this easily I busied myself up for the rest of the day filling my time by finished a piece I had been asked to paint for a unknown buyer. The scene was beautiful woodland in fall, the colours a brilliant blur of gold, rust and bronzes. I carefully smudged on the oil paint with my brush taking care to capture the light coming through the canopy, illuminating the ground it shone on. Before I knew it was early evening and I was covered in paint and pretty proud of my finished canvas. Looking at the darkening sky I quickly jumped in the shower letting the steamy hot water wash the stress out of my body. Letting my hair dry in its usual waves I quickly applied some eye liner and mascara just to emphasise my eyes and grabbed my black skinnies and forest green blouse. Finishing off with my boots and leather jacket I was ready to go.

I loved New York at night, the city was alive with an energy that was so free and wild it could never be captured. The neon lights looked like claw marks ripping the sky open and the skyscrapers towered over everything providing a safe cage around the city. But tonight I couldn't help a feeling of restlessness that had settled over me. Like that feeling you get when you think there is one more step at the top of your staircase and for a minute you are overcome with dread as you step down. No matter what I thought about to distract me the feeling remained warning me of what was to come. Maybe I should have paid attention to it but people have a habit of ignoring those inner instincts that warn us of danger. Before I knew it Pandemonium was in front of me with its music blasting into the outside world. I knew Simon would already be in there so there was no point hanging around outside. As I entered I happened to look up at the sign, a symbol was there, one I had never seen before. Yet it looked and felt so familiar. Maybe I would have paid more attention to it but people behind me were pushing me in and before I knew it the thought was gone.

As I entered the club the electrical energy pulsed around me as leather clad bodies moved in sync to the music that was being played. I was scanning the crowd looking for Simon amongst the sea of bodies and that was where I saw them. They looked like predators scanning through the crowd looking for their pray. Two of them, a boy and a girl looked light night with their dark eyes and hair. The other was the light; his hair a deep ash in the darkness of the club and his eyes a molten gold, a gold that had just settled directly on me. And as our gazes locked I couldn't help the feeling of dread that came over me. I feeling that told me to run, get out and never come back. But I stayed there, gazing and in that moment I had sealed a fate that was about to consume my life.

**Please review guess who we're going to talk to in the next chapter ;)**

**Roselyn **


	3. Chapter 3

**This is my favourite chapter yet really please with it and thankyou to my first reviewer Jling and everyone else who has favourite it/ put in on alert. Hope you all like it and review!**

**Chapter 2: Rough Encounters **

_**I've become so numb, I can't feel you there**_

_**Become so tired, so much more aware**_

For a while we just stayed there gazing at each other, I was lost in a sea of gold as I looked at him. It was like we were both connected, bound and neither could break it. A memory was tugging at me something buried deep that was trying to make its way to the surface, a memory that told me I knew who and what he was. Then it was gone, the cord was broken. His brows furrowed with confusion and we both turned away going in opposite directions. Both equally puzzled and embarrassed about what had happened. I turned back again to catch one last glimpse of him as he was swallowed into the crowd and became nothing.

Simon was still nowhere to be seen so I made my way to the bar navigating the huge crowds that had formed in the club.

"What's your choice of poison tonight then?" the barman shouted.

"Scotch on the rocks!" I shouted back this club was seriously too loud sometimes. Whilst my drink was fixed I glanced around the dance floor again surprised to see ta pair of golden eyes staring at me again.

"Looks like someone's got their eye on you."

I swivelled round to see the barman smirking at me. "He come here often?" I asked indicating with my head.

"Yeah a regular, him and those other two, they're here most nights."

I nodded picking up my drink and taking a long gulp. Hearing my phone beep I quickly discovered Simon was running late so probably wouldn't be here before midnight. Perfect. Once again that feeling of dread came over me, the one that told me to run. I wasn't comfortable here and I sure as hell wasn't staying.

"Can I give you a piece of advice?"

I looked up to see the barman once again looking at me with a sincere expression on his face.

"Depends what advice it is."

He laughed but it wasn't happy.

"A girl like you isn't safe around here, especially on her own. Your kind stick together so why are you on your own?"

The seriousness of his expression was scaring me. "What do you mean my kind?"

The tattoo on your collarbone I thought you knew?" He said

I glanced down; I had had that tattoo since waking up, a strange marking on my collarbone. I'd tried researching it but there was nothing. I usually didn't show it but the blouse I was wearing meant you saw the top half.

"You know what it means?" I pressed, the sudden thought of answers creating a desire for the truth I had supressed for months.

The man glanced round almost checking if anyone was near. "All I'm saying is if you don't know who you are you're in trouble. Find the guy who was looking at you, his names Jace. Tell him everything you remember and then stay with him. He's the best chance you've got of surviving."

With that he turned away and moved onto fixing someone else's drink like nothing had happened. I was left stood there wide eyed and shocked. The man's words had shocked me to the core and I didn't know what to do. Suddenly I felt like that lost girl again that wondered around New York bruised and bloody looking for answers. I slowly turned around looking at the dance floor again; there he was, his gold eyes never leaving me. I had the sudden urge to reach out to him, call him tell him I needed help. But I didn't, I just turned away and walked out of the club into the night. The sudden urge to be safe at home was unbearable now and I hurried through the lit streets in the hope of getting there. In my haste I never noticed him leaning on the street corner watching me as I went. I never realised he was following me through shadows as I rushed to my safe haven. I never saw him stay outside my apartment while I ran in and got on the sofa turning the T.V. on low and grabbing my sketchbook and graphite before drawing the mysterious golden boy that haunted my mind.

A crash woke me from my light slumber making me dart up from the sofa and look around. The room was quiet, dark it must have been past midnight. The living room remained silent until suddenly heavy boots could be heard walking through the hallway towards me. Quickly I sank back crawling into the space behind the sofa and the wall. I remained there as I heard another pair of footsteps mingle in with the first.

"Do you think she's here?" a gruff voice asked from the hallway.

"Yes, she's here I can feel it." The other voice answered this one smooth and cold.

I curled into a tight ball trying to make myself as unnoticeable as possible. My muscles were coiled and tense like they were ready to fight.

"I know you're in here Clary, I can sense it." The smooth voice called as I heard the boots enter the living room. "You can't hide." It carried on. "Surely you knew we would find you, it was only a matter of time." My breathing was heavy pants now as I heard the men stop in front of my hiding place.

"Why are you hiding Clarissa? Surely you recognise your own brother"

With that I was yanked to my feet kicking and yelling at the older of the two pinned my arms and kept me immobile. I looked up and saw a young man, maybe around twenty. He looked like night, with moonlit white hair and translucent skin. His eyes were the black abyss, they looked into your very soul and tour up anything that was in there way. He was the complete opposite from the golden boy I had seen earlier and I couldn't help wishing I had stayed and asked him for help.

The man slowly walked around me as the other older looking one kept me pinned there.

"You've grown up."

I spat at him. "Who the hell are you!" before I knew it his hand made contact with my face sending me to the ground. Suddenly there was pressure and I was pinned there staring up into cold eyes.

"I'd suggest you don't disrespect me again Clarissa, I won't hesitate to strike you again." I struggled and tried to get up. His eyes softened slightly. "You really don't remember do you?"

I stopped struggling. "Remember what?"

He slowly sank down and stroked my cheek, "Oh Clary what did you do. What rune did you use?"

"Rune, what is a rune? I've never used them." I whimpered scared stiff.

"But you have, look at your artwork Clary. All of those symbols you drew in your sketchpad, what did you think they were? You've drawn them everywhere." He looked down at my hands. "Even if your mind didn't remember what they were your hands did." For a minute I almost saw a hint of green in his eyes then it was gone and black took over again. He drew up hauling me with him.

"Not that it matters, I'm sure a trip to the city of bones will jog you memory." Grabbing my wrist he hauled me up and started dragging me towards the door, the other following close behind. I struggled as much as possible but my petite frame was no match for his strong build. With my hopes fading fast and the grip on my wrist becoming increasingly uncomfortable I was led towards the door.

I let them take me as far as the door before striking. I knew the only way to have half a chance of getting away was the lure them into a false sense of security. Whoever these men were they saw me as a petite frightened girl, and I wasn't that at all. Springing into action I twisted round before slamming my fist into my holders face. The shock was enough to break out of his hold, thinking on my feet I ran into the kitchen grabbing one of the kitchen knives and getting into a fighting stance. The two men slowly advanced towards me both with a deadly glint in their eyes.

"Well I wondered how long it would do before the real Clarissa came out." My supposed brother spoke whilst prowling towards me.

"What? You really think I wouldn't teach myself how to fight after waking up with no clue of who I am in the middle of nowhere?" I growled back.

He shrugged. "Well it wasn't learning you were just re-teaching yourself weren't you, I seem to remember you being quite the fighter back home."

My anger grew. "Well I'm glad you had the privilege of remembering that, not all of us do."

Getting tired of his games I swept the knife in front of me showing I meant business. He shrugged and motioned to the older man who was now nursing quite the bruiser. "Take care of this now I'm tired of chitchat." The man slowly advanced and I thought I had a pretty good chance until he started changing. His limbs twisted and changed, bending at odd angles and snapping, his eyes becoming the colour of blood and grotesque fangs slowly descending from his mouth. I looked in horror at the finished result.

"What the bloody hell is that!" I shouted to anyone that would listen.

"What's wrong sister? Never thought a demon before, I always thought you were quite good." He examined a cut on his hand and walked towards the door. "I'll let you two get reacquainted with each other." Motioning to the beast. "Don't kill her too much." And with that he was gone leaving me alone with a creature out of my nightmares. Still gripping the knife I shrank back grabbing the rest of the set before launching one right at the beast. It embedded deep in its shoulder making it howl and screech before lurching towards me and knocking most of them out of reach. Screeching it jumped on top of me clashing its fangs near my neck. With my remaining knife I plunged in into the demons back before making a belt for the door. I got about half way before the demon was on me again biting into my leg. I cried out in agony as I felt fire spread through my veins rendering them useless. I slowly crawled away as the poison took effect. My eyes focused and unfocused as the demon circled me enjoying the fact its prey was harmless now. I kept staring as it advanced towards me aiming for my neck, the killer strike. I slowly closed my eyes waiting for impact, but the impact never came up. I looked up to see Jace slicing through the demon with a blade that looked almost illuminated. The demon shrieked before collapsing and turning to ash. Looking up his eyes finally settled on me lying in the corner.

"Clary isn't it?" he spoke softly before helping me to stand up.

"What the hell was that thing, it was a man! I saw it then it was…" I shrieked.

"Shush." He soothed hugging me close to him.

"That's enough Clary we need to get you somewhere safe, they will be more and they'll be back soon. "

I nodded numbly has he half dragged me out of the apartment and onto the streets of New York. The lights blurred and the building passed by in glimpses and he pulled me through back streets and along walkways. My mind couldn't process what was happening, everything was too much, I was shutting down. After about five more minutes I finally gave up falling to the ground my leg alive with pain. I winced as I felt him pull up the leg of my jean examining the wound. Swearing he took grabbed something out of his pocked. I watched as it glowed and he slowly brought it down to my leg arm drawing a symbol of sort on. The motion burned but it was painful, just uncomfortable. As the fire in my veins started to recede I felt my consciousness slipping. That last thing I saw was a pair of gold eyes looking down at me then I fell into the void.


End file.
